Saturday, March 17, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
For those I'm closest with, they know why I'm asking these questions, some more than others. And why after reading a book that is so brutally and disturbingly honest of a girl's life being fat, would make me sad, angry, hurt, disgusted, ashamed, and I wish I had met Judith Moore before she died. I could sit with her as we looked through my family albums and she would understand exactly how I feel without saying a word.
Her life growing up was far worse than I could imagine, but it was extremely and painfully close in a lot of areas that made the book extremely hard to get through, and it's a very short book.
I remember someone at work looked down the office and at the sight of another girl's bee-hind, said would you look at that cottage cheese. I'm not going to post all of my thoughts on that, but I will say the first thought I had was what has she said about me and others without giving a care who hears it? I wonder how the scene would look if she lived during the 1800's and the hot body of the time was the voluptuous woman instead of her? The hot body of the time? Your body size and type is a fad...everyone always believes fads are right...so they should know what is hot and what is not?! OMG! No wonder we are all screwed up! We're talking bodies, not clothes.
Judith Moore had a life she didn't want handed down to her, she was never seen for being a child needing to be unconditionally loved. Instead, she had parents who had their issues and then made her life a living hell.
When I worked with the teens, I could see the circle of life continuing down its distorted worldly views. I'm glad for my life though. Glad that I wasn't cool growing up and went through all I did. Because I can see and make my life what I want it to be now before it is too late, before I have kids, or get so old that it's too late. I'm thankful for my pains, my hurts, my disappointments, never being like or looking like other girls. So when I'm old and gray and looks have completely gone, I will still have beauty that some will never understand, and feel contentment and happiness from leaving the world's views and listening and following my heart instead.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
If anyone cares to discuss their thoughts on the who they think is dead or will be dead, who is evil or good, what are the horcruxes, give me a shout out. It is just pure torture!
To some up the six things in one word, I came up with the word Adoption. I am grateful:
- That I am God's child, I have been adopted into His family, His promises never fail;
- I am grateful that I have two families (the Roebuck's and the Bowers');
- I'm grateful for Daisy and Archie (I'm a believer that our pets are part of our family ;) ;
- I am grateful for where my life is now and the new life I'm creating. This quote says it all, "One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." French writer Andre'-Gide;
- I am grateful for the love I have to make Emma my own;
- I am grateful for the many differerent cultures that have and that will become my own.
Adoption - to chose for or take to oneself; make one's own by
selection. To adopt a name, culture, belief, habit, routine. To take or receive into any kind of new relationship. To adopt a person as an heir.
This month, my challenge was to show these things in a layout, an art challenge:
Saturday, March 10, 2007
- So, am I bored being at home not working anymore? Absolutely not. There is ALWAYS something to do. Time flies by so much faster, that's the only downfall.
- So what kinds of things do you do all day? Anything I want to do really. Having worked for 20-years, your body and brain have to process what the heck you just did, but not reluctantly, although it did take a little time. My body is getting what it finally needs: rest for one thing. I used to get up between 4:30 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. to workout before work, have a 45 minute commute or longer depending on weather, we won't go there with the job, and then the same commute home...that is what to me was boring. I felt bottled up. For the few days that I need to set an alarm, my body always wakes up about 7 a.m. reglardless of what time I went to bed, even it was a few hours ago! I am so grateful for having quit and being with my thoughts and discovering my authentic self buried under there somewhere after so many oppressed years. I literally feel free. Sure I have bad days, everyone does, but the bad days do not compare to being oppressed for years. So this is a wonderful time in my life to read both self-help and especially fiction for fun, exercise, cook and eat better, be creative, clean up the clutter I never could get to before, and you know what...ENJOY life!
- Have you always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom? Absolutely NOT! Getting married and having kids never ever crossed my mind. I know there are some very few girls out there like me, hard to find, but they are there that will admit this. And there are many more that would shriek and think that is such a selfish thing. Oh my. I guess to me, I would want the best life for a child, not the best things or just because I want a child or it's the thing to do, right? I literally did not want to be my mother. She can handle that now and so can I in saying that, since she's the person now that God wanted her to be all along, and she finally has the life she's always wanted. I absolutely choose to keep those things about my mother that I want to celebrate and remember about her, and there are MANY. And I too want to only keep those things I have been handed down from her and then to hand only those things down to another person. To me, a developing child, another person deserves that.
- Are you still working with the youth and going to First Baptist Covington? No. Judge me all you want, but I will expound. I had nothing left to give to the youth after mom died. I needed to heal and kept going instead. With a new youth pastor at the church wanting a solid commitment, I knew I couldn't give it. I still love the teens and can still relate to them more than adults at times. As far as church, I went the Sunday right after mom had died that Friday, you could tell that someone had just died by the way I looked and cried the entire time. I needed that. It helped to get some hurt out and also trying to, for real, contemplate my faith. But church didn't do it, it was very dry to me, nor did any of the Christian sub-culture. I needed the real deal. My verbal prayers consisted of, "Father God, I know You are there and You will never leave me." Physically, I quietly ruminated that I know God is in complete control, listened to songs in a different way, read things in a different way, did everything in a different way, aware of God being in everything, and made my faith my own and did not allow someone else's beliefs, practices, or faith to be part of my faith. I didn't need "I love God," or "Jesus loves you," being told to me by people who appeared to have memorized the Bible and wanted to make a good impression or had no clue what it was like to suffer loss and then tell me they still love God. I could.
February 27th, Dennis reached and exceeded his goal of a half marathon. His pace was 8:27, much better than what he was aiming for. He was thrilled. He was hauling in big time in these last two photos they took. One is him crossing the finish line and the other is right before...someone was trying to pass him...and well, if you've done races, that gets your competitive juices flowing, so he didn't run with that much force the entire race.
The day could not have been better for a race. You needed a jacket if you didn't...too cold not to, so perfect for runners and walkers. The beginning and end were at the Superdome, so it was nice sitting high up on the ramp where the festivities were looking done at the racers. Dennis is in all of these pics...too hard to see him when the race began, but he is a little behind the American Flag in the crowd.
I looked on wearing my fleur de lis cap in pride. Hard to believe so much tragedy happened right there at the Superdome almost two years ago.